I spent last weekend away in Wales, with my mentor and a group of great men. Felt a bit early in the year to go, but I'm slowly learning to recharge before the battery is flat. What’s funny is, less than a year ago I prayed for times like this to be with like-minded men dissecting scripture and growing. Now I feel like I'm in these environments often, we thank God. Retreats are great, super focused, intense periods of time away which leave me with thoughts to ponder over for months and this one was no different. The theme was COMPARISON and meaningfully engaging with the world we live in, healthily navigating this terrain littered with landmines.
“Does he have two heads?”
Comparison has long been something I've battled with, in almost all areas of my life. Whether it's academic (remember last week’s post where i mentioned me sizing up the oxbridge kids) or my physique, comparison acted as a crippling spur to my ambition that would keep me in an unhealthy mental rut. I would be the one that aunties would compare their kids to, the one with the “two heads”, fueling a desire to remain “better” than them. As i spoke about in the post “Who i am, not what i do” my identity, perspective and emotions were all tied into being “better” relative to everyone else. It's something we all deal with.
What areas of your life do you find yourself comparing with others in?Common ones: skills, material possessions, physique, family, intellect…..
Comparison reveals our inner brokenness
MT described comparison as a poisonous fruit of discontentment which admits a dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation for how you have been made, where God has placed you and the life he has planned for you. When we compare ourselves, it reveals an inner brokenness. It creates an insatiable desire to be more and do more, to feel valid or accepted by measuring ourselves relative to others. Our insecurities are inflamed, desires exacerbated and emotions spiralled. Regardless of the feeling after comparing, it reveals a heart posture/issue. One that desperately validates one’s worth by looking onto others. Subconsciously we all do it, opening the door from sabotaging lies from the enemy that can only be combated by truth.
Comparison sets an undefined standard of approval and acceptance.
An Insult to God
What's the worst thing you can do when looking at pictures at a gallery? Imagine going to the gallery and a person begins comparing art, saying one is better than the other because it's in a taller frame, or the colours used in one is lighter. That person would’ve completely missed it. You simply can’t compare things that were created differently. They’re all pieces of art, intentionally created by a master creator. Its beauty is in and of itself, not relative to anything else. Imagine if we saw ourselves as the works of art that we are, with each person having a unique portfolio of skills and handicaps specially curated by an intelligent creator, the “I am who I am” that made you the way you are. Comparison almost disregards what’s been put in you, envying what’s in someone else from a place of imperfect knowledge. We lose sight of the good in us, and obsess over others. There’s a question of perspective involved. We look at Moses, who when he encountered God in Exodus 4:10 tells God that he’s not good with words and gets his tongue tied (like God wasn't the one that created him and didn't already know this), but we see in Acts 7:22 Stephen described Moses as “powerful in both speech and action.”
What do we do?
Best way to counter comparison is contentment, having enough and not possessing a desire for excessive material gain. Contentment is a frame of mind that must be practised, where we discipline our minds onto things that really matter. It’s being whole in who you are, not dependent on external things to fulfil you. “I will be happy when I have ______” is a helpful sentence to use to see what things you're excessively dependent on. Supporting others also helps to take your mind off yourself and gain a better sense of perspective (Mathew 20:26.) Reading scripture grows you in this area of contentment and understanding self.
Psalm 139:13-14
New International Version
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
It's funny because this scripture was one that I just left for the girls, seen it in enough bios. Being in a room with men looking at this scripture did make me laugh, but more importantly, made me understand it’s for us all.
When you’re fixed on the vertical (potter and clay Isaiah 64:8 etc) relationship, where we’re committed to God's work of sanctification, we won’t need to look horizontally.
These are just some of the key takeaways I've been thinking about, that I wanted to share. For a fuller, more robust exploration on the topic have a read of my mentor's blog post here.
Thanks for reading and comment any thoughts.
NYA
Love this piece bro 🤎
Thank you so much for sharing this, it really changed my perspective on a few things. Keep on the great work💓❤️🔥