Sometimes just for fun (he wan b superstar)

Reinstalling joy back into passions

Nearly been a year since I started this blog. This was never really planned, in true NYA fashion on the 30th of December 2021 I wanted to write something and put it out, so that’s what I did. I wrote it, quickly set up the page and put it out that day. There was no grand expectation or life-changing intended outcome from it; I just had the desire to write and did. 

Lost its joys 

Slowly the heart behind it was lost. Mentally there was a shift from framing it as a creative exploration to a reach at influence. It wasn't necessarily about my ability to string together the fabric of my thoughts anymore, but instead, focus turned to becoming a sesquipedalian orator (big word for just a person that uses big words.) Much like everything in the world “you’re hot till your not” and numbers soon reflected that. Content generation became a struggle and although I was putting out my most thought-provoking, literarily appealing work, things grew stale. It was almost like my passion lacked the lustre needed to supplement my drive, and after a while, my drive could no more carry me. After a week or so of my sabbatical, I genuinely had no desire to return because it simply wasn’t fun. To admit, I’m slightly obsessive so I end up treating everything like work (posting every week for 20+ weeks ain’t easy.)

Means for release rather than a ticket out the hood 

When my “why” changed, my drive changed. I had thoughts about becoming one of the best, with 1000s of subscribers etc and as admirable as that is, for this part of my life it weren’t necessary. If this was a money-making project, it would always remain a money-making project (which I wouldn’t recommend because writing is like real rap (it doesn’t pay.)) However, the page afforded me creative license, freedom to drive a narrative and steer thought and that’s all I actually needed. This is perhaps the one creative thing I do, supporting me to reflect on lessons learnt whilst sharing them for the benefit of others. It’s crazy to think what it’s done for my confidence, simply the process of putting something out into the world. 

Thought: My prayer isn’t for my art to make space for me anymore, it’s for me to make space for my art. In whichever medium I choose, that i always have a way of reflecting and expressing. 

I end this year, in a different space than last. The first ever post was under a year ago and it was about “taking stock”, but this time i’d want you to consider where passion was lost, intention forgotten and purpose confused. What have you maybe taken too seriously, that you want to strip back and find the joy of again? Not everything needs to be monistised or even for public consumption, what’s going to be your personal thing for next year? Kinda feels like i’m on a “The heart of worship” vibe, stripping it all back to get back to where we once were (great interview here.) 

Thanks for sticking around,

NYA

P.S. I still don’t know what the future holds for this, or the pattern its going to go in. Guess the joy is we don’t know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future. I had plans of a big come back, with a whole new pod and visualse (which still may happen) but for now i’m just trying to enjoy putting words on a page again.