Day 4/25: When there isn’t much to say…

“Don’t even talk too much”

I’ve always been one that’s outspoken. In my younger days I’d often talk to talk, sometimes making no sense or with just pure ignorance. I vividly remember walking home from school once with my mum and siblings and I said something like “Mum and Dad don’t drive because they don’t know how to manage their finances.” I can’t remember my mums response, she probably let it slide (favourite child tax.) However I cringe at that memory, especially realising that at the time they were acquiring another property. Although episodes like that were rare, I do think they were underpinned by a young NYA wanting to be heard and to prove himself: The pressure of being the kid with the “two heads”. Often this phrase would sum younger me up: talks a lot but doesn’t say much.

I’m not completely there yet, but I’m learning to not always be the one speaking. In fact, recently I haven’t always had much to say. If I don’t know enough or if no thoughts come to mind on the subject matter then I’m comfortable being in active listening mode, critically engaging with what’s being said. I’m learning to not feel the need to prove that I’m the smartest or most knowledgeable person in the room. Sometimes hold back. Before speaking, here’s 3 questions I find quite helpful in evaluating my input to conversations:

Is it right?

Is now the right time to have this conversation? Is this a topic that has particular nuance that needs to be fleshed out in detail which can’t be done at that time? Is this the right place to have this conversation? Could it perhaps be unhelpful to others around if this conversation happens here? Is it even a conversation that should be happening? (avoid all gossip)

Is it true?

Is what you’re saying unequivocally true? Is there fact behind it? How do you know it to be true? Could there perhaps be another way of seeing things? Is there a clear cut answer or could there be a spectrum?

Is it kind?

This one is quite simple, I hope. Essentially, does it build the person up or tear them down?

Perhaps a new litmus test for being in the right circles/groups could be how often you find yourself talking. There’s a lot you can take from simply sitting and listening. Eagerly seek to be in places with people from different spaces and levels of experience. For us younger ones, let’s take time to extract the wisdom from the more aged.

With everyone having a platform, everyone has a mic. To borrow words from scripture our content consumption is full of “clanging cymbals”  that drowns out life’s light hum.  Perhaps we ought to tame our mouths: listening to understand rather than to respond.

So just listen more , you might actually just learn something.

NYA